Hey there, I hope everyone is having a great week and nobody got arrested as a result of my advice. In my last post I answered a question about writing performance evaluations, but I wasn’t able to address the full process, mostly because it is so convoluted that it never really ends. By the time you finish everything, it’s time to start all over again.
Nevertheless I would like to go into a bit more detail. So here you have it, “How to Write Your Eval Part 2.” When we last spoke, you had completed filling out the brag sheet (with lies) and were about to transfer that information (lies) to the official evaluation form using the NAVFIT 98 computer program.
The first thing you are going to have to do is open the NAVFIT 98 program. It’s called NAVFIT because it’s a Navy program for creating fitness reports. It’s called 98 because it was created in 1998. Yes, 1998! To put that in context, I joined the Navy in 1999 and retired last year. And yet NAVFIT 98 is going strong, despite the pleading from a vast majority of sailors for it to submit its retirement papers.
So anyway, now that you have opened up NAVFIT 98 next you need… What do you mean you can’t open it? Just click on the icon on the desktop. There’s no icon? Well just use the start menu to search for it. Still not there huh? Well this happens sometimes.
Sometimes the program is not loaded on all computers at your command. Don’t worry, if you keep searching, eventually you will find a computer with a functioning NAVFIT 98 program on it. It’s normally the computer with a long line of people waiting to use it.
Now that you have spent the better part of your day waiting to use the computer (rather than what the taxpayers are paying you for) it’s time to get started writing your eval. Where it says “name” you write your name. Continue to fill out the heading blocks using common sense. Ha ha! Just kidding. You are going to need help here. What you need is to grab a copy of the Navy Performance Eval System Instruction (BUPERSINST 1610.10E) and leisurely peruse its 199 pages. Then it’s time to hop back in line to use the eval computer.
Once you have filled out the upper portion of the eval you will rate your performance on a scale of 1.0 to 5.0 in various fields related to your work. Here it is tricky. 1.0 in any field means you are a degenerate and 5.0 basically means you have super powers. You are going to fall somewhere in the middle. In all honesty, any sailor who is not a dirtbag basically ranks 3.0 in all fields. This is because 3.0 is defined as “meeting standards.” It means you do your job as expected all the time. As a result, in practice, only the absolutely worst sailors are ranked as a 3.0. If you accidentally shot you supervisor while on watch, you would be ranked as a 3.0 in “Military Bearing.”
Having finished lying about your ranking, you will move on to lie about a recommended future assignment. Here you have the opportunity to list two possible recommendations. Just put any two you want. It makes no difference whether or not you are qualified (or will ever be qualified) for these assignments, nobody is going to read it anyway. You could put down any of the following, LCPO, instructor, MCPON, Fleet Admiral, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Batman, etc. It makes no difference, the importance is to have a dream.
Now comes the part you have been waiting for. Ha ha, no you aren’t done yet. You are just getting started. Now it’s time to write your eval. Now it’s time to fill up the comments block. If you didn’t do well in English class you are going to hate this. On the other hand, if you did well in English class you are really going to hate this, because eval comments are not written based on any agreed-upon rules of the English language.
The comments block is written in “bullet format.” This is a disjointed list of three to four outlandish claims followed by dubious justification. These bullets are always preceded by an unrealistic adjective, for example, “outstanding,” “superb,” “excellent,” “great,” and if you’re feeling ambitious, “magnanimous.” This list normally follows this order: leadership, whatever it is you do, collateral duties, and community involvement.
In practice it might look like this:
-EXCELLENT COMMAND INVOLVEMENT
After each bullet you should add a couple unverifiable fragmented sentences that justify the preceding bullet. You get this information from your brag sheet (remember your brag sheet?). Once you’re done with that it’s time to print your eval out.
One of two things will happen. Either you will forget to save your work and print out a blank eval, or you will realize the printed evaluation has, inexplicably, truncated your report. Either way, you are on your way back to wait in line again at the eval computer to start the experience again. Good luck, you are going to do great!
If you have a question you’d like to ask just click this link and I will be sure to answer it just as soon as I get around to it. If you would like an accurate answer, then you probably shouldn’t.
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